Back – still alive

I know I haven’t blogged for a while. I’m a bad person I know. This however – will make up for it:

I love youtube

BEST. MOVIE. EVER

Seriously. Check it.

Transformers 2 review

Wow. I’ve literally just witnessed an absolute disaster. Like watching an overweight uncle drunkenly stumble around a wedding flirting with all the extended family it goes on far too long and becomes increasingly uncomfortable the longer is goes on (which is an embarrassing 2 and a half hours)

Transformers 2 will make millions and will be seen by most of the country. Many will disagree with my opinion, but they are wrong – it’s hideous.

I could list everything that is wrong with this film, but alas I can’t take up a day of your time with my moaning. I will however list a few:

- Megan Fox, the way the camera hugs her body in slow motion throughout the film, is quite frankly close to porn. Yes she is beautiful, but I felt like I was being forced to perv over her by the camera constantly.

- People explaining the plot, this happens at the beginning where one guy goes ‘let me get this straight, we have a top secret thing hidden here and megatron is hidden here etc’ while the bad guys are listening. Seriously the worst storytelling I’ve seen all year.

- Explosions, is Michael Bay determined to blow up the whole world? When you’ve seen one of his explosions you’ve literally seen them all. And in two and a half hours BOOM we’re treated to BOOM explosions once every BOOM 45 seconds. It’s not cool. It’s lazy and boring.

- Robot fights, I can’t tell who is good, who is bad, or why I should care.

- It’s a 12A, lots of little kids were in the screen with me. I hate getting all moral but seriously, there was really rude stuff in it that 6 year olds are going to go see. Don’t take anyone under 12 please.

- The Transformers talk – it’s really annoying – they’re horrible stereotypes of nations and subcultures, oh and there are these two Transformers called the twins. Not since Jar Jar Binks have I wanted to hurl my 50p penny sweets at the screen and scream.

- Laughable awkward emotional moments that are meant to pull at my heart strings, I was too busy laughing to even string up my heart

- Michael Bay’s determination to blow up most of the world. And yet still convince us that it could be kept a secret from the public.

- Technoarmybabble talk scenes ‘Get the F17 to BRING THE RAIN in quadrant 17 of the T12’s white zero fly by in ZXA altitude…’ Am I boring you yet?
Seriously, I’ve not left the cinema this angry for a long long time. Yes I know it’s a film about fighting robots blah blah blah – but that’s no excuse for self indulgent bloated work that my nephew could write in his sleep.

No matter what I say you’ll either still go see it, or would have already seen it. if you’ve already witnessed it – I share your anger and pain. If you haven’ yet, go wonder into your local hospital and try and catch swine flu. I promise it’ll be time better spent.

And Matt Adcock – I know you loved this. But you’re wrong.

Transformers 2 was released on the 19/06/09 and is the biggest film released this week. It is however, rubbish.

Chris Moyles on the Church

Chris Moyles – an evangelist for the church now?

Megan Fox isn’t real!

I knew it – the proof is right here:

Terminator Review

Big explosions – bleak backdrop – meh storyline – Christian Bale doing the Batman voice and being a bit bland – seeing Arnold in CGI – lots of chases – directed by a man called McG – I can’t forgive him that.

Terminator review will be up later this week, I’ve been busy doing a new documentary for Romanain Relief this week so haven’t had a chance to blog much…

drag me to HELL!

Drag me to hell - Christine takes matters into her own hands

Not the phrase you would normally hear a Christian spouting on a Thursday night – but that was indeed what I was heard uttering to the cinema attendant as I requested my ticket today. The horror film, has in my opinion, been a dying art of late – with good scares and good horror replaced by gore, cheap torture and money spinning franchises. It appears that Sam Rami (best known as the director of Spiderman 1 (good) 2 (great) and 3 (really bad)) has had enough of bad horror too as he returns to the genre that he made his name, and gained a cult following with the Evil Dead trilogy.

Drag me to hell has a simple premis, a pretty young girl Christine (Alison Lohman – who is actually 30 but looks 19)  yearns for a promotion at her bank job and in a bid to appear more ruthless and assertive, turns down an old ladys plea for an extention on her morgage loan. This however leads to the old lady placing a gypsy curse on Christine which will result in her being dragged to hell in four days – simple yet it sets up the plot nicely for 90 minutes of shock jumps and inventive horror.

If you’ve seen any of the Evil Dead trilogy, or have any experience of Sam Rami outside of the Spiderman films, then you’ll have some idea of what to expect of Drag me to hell. With Spiderman 3 Rami spoke of feeling constrained by pumping out a film that ticked the boxes that the higher powers demanded of him – here however, he obviously has regained full creative control of his output, and with exciting results. If you haven’t seen the Evil Dead trilogy however (and you really should – just because it stars Bruce Campbell who is one of my heroes) then it’s worth noting a statement that Rami has said in a number of interviews – that horror is very close to comedy. This isn’t a film that tries to take itself seriously, acting all moody and dark – no this is a film that involves a possessed handkerchief (much like the possessed hand in the Evil Dead) a talking goat, a fly that gets swallowed and buzzes inside a belly, a multiple cases of demons vomiting all sorts of goodies onto poor Christines’ face.

What works with Drag me to hell is that it is genuinely scary and jumpy. It’s fairly obviously stuff, with the music dying down and the camera slowly panning to Christines face before quickly pulling out to a crazy old lady with a crescendo of music – but it’s done with such quirk and inventiveness that you can’t not appreciate it. And fair play to Lohman who allows herself to well and truly be put through her paces on the film, not many actresses would be prepared to suffer the on screen abuse she endures, and with the her being the main screen presence throughout (Justin Long plays her boyfriend and a few other characters pop up) she’s required to carry the weight of the film.

I saw this in a cinema, and while background noise usually gets on my nerves when watching a film, Drag me to hell sort of lends itself to a packed cinema shrieking, jumping and laughing their way together throughout. And I can guarantee that if you see this in a busy cinema, you will pick the one seat that has a very oversensitive person in front…

So yes – overall – good fun – it could be better of course – but any film that features a possessed goat taunting our heroine gets my approval.

Drag me to hell was released on the 27/05/09 and is the best film released this week.

Britain’s got talent?

First off – let’s establish that I am a complete hypocrite. I watch Britain’s Got Talent and have done every night since it began. And I hate myself for it.

A talent program that offers the chance to perform in front of the Queen, it also provides Simon Cowell the chance to see what could be the next big thing on the celebrity circuit and sign them up instantly with minimum fuss – he’s a clever bloke that Simon.

But the trouble is, as I watch it, I find myself falling into all the manipulative traps that the program has set up for me – ‘go on Simon, make the little girl cry!’ ‘look at the fat man in drag, his kids must be so ashamed!’ ‘look at the ugly lady – can you believe that an ugly person can sing?!’ ‘look at the silly man pretending to play the saxophone! Look at him pretend to press the keys while he whines in a pitch that only the sharpest of dogs could hear.’ ‘Aren’t I far superior to his obliviousness rubbish.’ ‘Look at the acts who obviously have mental problems paraded in front of my for my enjoyment.’ ‘Let’s boo Simon Cowell when he speaks the truth and speaks the truth to disillusioned people…’

I hate it – yet I go through the same emotions as every other viewer as I digest this credit crunch T.V. Who needs a good drama such as Spooks when I can watch cheap programs such as this and Big Brother – no wonder T.V companies are commissioning more reality T.V shows in the credit crunch – cheap stuff that gets billions of viewers – easy.

So before each act we are presented with a quick montage of the act in everyday life, usually looking into the distance intently while their voice over is stating how this competition means everything to them and how being eliminated would destroy them – well guess what – 6 go home every night with their dreams shattered for my entertainment – ha!

Another issue I have is that I’m now watching the 3rd Semi Final, how can you have more than 2 semi finals? Surely having more make them more knockout rounds? But then again Semi Finals sound far more important – I’ll definitely watch if it’s a semi final!

On the first semi final it was remarked that Susan Boyle has given the world something to hope in during our times of trouble and turbulence – forget Barack Obama, Susan Boyle has defeated Swine Flu and the Credit Crunch!

And now I’m busy watching three farmers bouncing wheelbarrows to Queen – is this what my life has come to? But then again – the final is on Saturday – I’ll be watching – as will you no doubt…

Hello – is it me you’re looking for?

I’m looking at this post as a chance for you to get to know me – without actually having to talk to me. Bonus. Here we go:

I have an obsession with Football Manager 2009 – I have managed to get Luton in the premiership. I need to stop however because I am in danger of loosing all my friends.

It bugs me that Eminem feels like he has to introduce himself in so many of his songs – I know who you are mate.

I like Sci Fi. It use to be a geek thing that I liked because other people didn’t. Now most of the popular films and T.V programs are Sci Fi in nature. The minority has become the majority. Now I have to find something else that I can claim to like that no one else does.

I recently read ‘The Road’ by Cormac McCarthy. I have a feeling that it may be the best book I have ever read.

I like Doctor Who – but then again so does everyone

I get over emotional during films. Thankfully I can hide it behind my steel exterior

One day I will be fit

I can be completely motivated or utterly lazy. I am yet to find an in between.

Being with other people makes me a better person.

I like daydreaming because it’s easier than trying.

Here we go…

Welcome to the start of a beautiful friendship.  If you want to know more about what this blog will be about – then click on ‘The bit where I say what this blog is about’ (wow that’s fairly self explanatory isn’t it? I’m not attempting to mock your intelligence I promise) – hopefully that will inform you of what is to come. My previous blog was at tomwade.blogspot.com, but I thought it was time for a clean break and new beginning. As of tomorrow the daily blogging shall begin.

I’m excited.